| It's Nacho Job (once again) |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|08:04 am] |
It's Nacho Job...
to regale me with the wonders of BitTorrent
to attempt to tell me that there's nothing wrong with trying to run it on our network
to claim that you need it for accessing "work-related content" when I'm WATCHING you watch Xena: Warrior Princess clips
to insist that you know more about it than I do because your bff Jill said so
to ask to speak with "an admin" to get a real answer (hey Sparky - I AM an admin, and I said NO!)
This one's only been here a week - and is begging for the F.O.A.D. already...
(x-posted to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) techsupport and TSC) |
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| SET [tinfoil=[max]] |
[Jun. 4th, 2008|10:10 am] |
Actual convo:
$USER: What is this icon in the system tray, it wasn't there before.
ME: $APP, we did a mass install overnight.
$USER: But my machine was locked!
ME: Yes, I saw that.
$USER: But you CAN'T UNLOCK IT!
ME: wha-bwha?
$USER: HOW DID YOU DO THAT???!!! OMGWTFBBQELEVENTY1
ME: I'm an admin - it's sort of my job and stuff-
$USER: HOW DO I KEEP YOU FROM GETTING ON MY COMPUTER?
ME: Get a job somewhere else, or find me one. Your choice.
$USER: *click*
The nutters would seem to be in rare form today...
(x-posted to techsupport and TSC) |
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| Of Networks and Mapped Drives (or "Plug It In, Plug It In") |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|09:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | lights out | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fattburger - Irene | ] |
(x-posted to techsupport)
Dear $Luser,
Yes, you need to plug the cable back in when you get back to your desk.
No, it was not just a one time thing.
Yes, you have to do it every time you come back.
No, I am not at all certain how that would be inconvenient.
Yes, I am correct.
No, I am quite sure that your way would not, and indeed did not, work.
Yes, I am aware that you are having trouble remembering it.
No, I'm not sure why that is, but I can remedy that.
(looks for branding iron) |
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| You I.T. You Make Laptop Go... |
[Mar. 6th, 2008|10:37 am] |
(x-posted to techsupport)
Proof that just because someone is smart in ONE area, doesn't imply competence in others...
Cast:
E1: Engineer the first. Newbie.
E2: Engineer the second. NOT a newbie, and really should know better.
ME: Well, you know...
BB: New IT Dir type - didn't have a feel for what he was going to be like. Until now.
Turns out the request was legitimate, but really? If I had walked up to her and asked for her car for three weeks for testing in another state for testing by someone other than me, would she have been so nonchalant about it? |
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| Wow. Just Wow. |
[Feb. 18th, 2008|04:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tekneek - Joy Ride | ] |
(x-posted to techsupport )
Dear $User,
While I can appreciate (almost) the fact that you wanted to "back up" your data, there are a few bits of info I feel you are missing that might be of use:
1. Your documents folder is mapped to a drive on our file server. (Backed up every single day. Weekends too.)
2. The little message you get every single time you log on or off the network? That is synchronization, a pixie-dust filled, magical process that copies your mapped network folder down to your laptop so that you can access your files when you take your laptop home.
3. I painstakingly explained #1 and #2 the day you started here two months ago (but apparently, not in your native tongue).
3. Your attempts to back up this data by copying it to your desktop would do you no good should your hard drive actually die, since THAT IS WHERE YOU COPIED THE DATA.
4. Yes, this is the primary reason why your hard drive is full.
5. No, it had nothing to do with our server.
6. Yes, I'm SURE.
7. You took "computers" in college?
WHERE did you take them, and could you mayhap take them BACK?
Please to be expiring in an epic conflagration,
ME |
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| "Public Drive" means, well... |
[Jan. 9th, 2008|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellowing | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rick Braun & Richard Elliot - Sunday Night | ] |
(x-posted to techsupport )
Dear mutant simians posing as employees:
The "public drive" is intended as a TEMPORARY holding area for files you and others may be looking at during a given time. IT IS NOT TO BE USED FOR PERMANENT STORAGE! Have you never heard the word TEMPORARY before? Never had its meaning divined to you? No? Sesame Street/Calle Sesame didn't cover this one? Really? I guess this means you're still driving 'round on a temporary tag, then? No? THEN WHAT IS SO BLOODY HARD ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF TEMPORARY?
Somebody tell Jeff Foxworthy I've got a contestant for a fifth-grader to mop the floor with... |
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| Okay, here's the deal |
[Jan. 5th, 2008|05:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Spyro Gyra - As We Sleep | ] |
(x-posted to techsupport)
Three relatively small but annoying things:
1) If I tell you that the reason your PC has slowed to a crawl is because of some craptastic screensaver "application" you insisted on installing AFTER I told you it was a bad idea, the appropriate response is NOT to say, "Well, I don't think that's the problem!" I've been at this almost as long as your cantankerous butt has been with this company, and one of us is definitely wrong on this one. Here's a hint: IT AIN'T ME!
BTW, I've been given "special dispensation" to severely restrict your actions on the PC you're being given to replace the one you currently have. It would run your little POS software with no problem, but you'll never get the opportunity to find that out. So take that, you moon-faced assassin of joy!
2) No, Mr. Department Head, we don't have a laptop we can "give" you to give to an employee who MAY be out because of tending to her sick child. Especially not ON A PERMANENT BASIS. If she needs a laptop (and from the sounds of it, she may very well have to have one), YOU need to pony up and get her one. And no, I wasn't impressed at the pout you displayed when I told you we don't allow home user machines to connect to our network via VPN. Yes, I know the old manager did it - one of a plethora of reasons he's no longer here. You need to cowboy up, Sparky!
3) If you put in a ticket for software installs, and I call you to come down to the lab so that they can be done, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND GET IT DONE! If you knew you were leaving for two weeks, you should have gotten it done before you left! Complaining to your boss just forced me to show him that you were either called or emailed for 4 days straight immediately prior to your departure (which I had no prior knowledge of in any case).
Now, you look clueless, I still have to do the installs, and it'll be awkward. For YOU. FOCUS!!! |
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| Lowered Expectations |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|11:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dotsero - Beyond The Starfish | ] |
Setup: 'Tis the season for people to replace their old kit with new. I do refurbs and upgrades for those who don't want to buy from the big boys. On occasion, this leads to some unintended comedy on the part of a potential client. Hence, the following email:
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Dear ptstech,
I have received your quote for the refurbished laptop, and have a couple of followup questions:
Does it come with Vista? I have heard it is more secure and since my kids will be using this, I thought it would be a good idea.
Will the CD drive burn DVDs?
Can the screen be upgraded to a wider version for watching movies?
Thanks,
Clueless Potential Buyer
---------------------------------------
Now bear in mind that he was responding to a quote which:
- Explicitly described what he was getting both in terms of the hardware and the software already on it
- Explicitly explained that the unit was being sold "as is" with no upgrades or substitutions at the listed price
And all that notwithstanding, Vista? Upgrading to a "wider screen"? On a laptop?
Why do I do this to myself?
(x-posted to techsupport) |
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| Dear Mr. F*cknugget... |
[Dec. 12th, 2007|07:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | enraged | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dope - Die MF Die | ] |
Dear Mr. F**knugget,
I realize that I was doing 65 instead of 85 on the way to work. I also realize that you were in a bit of a hurry to get SOMEPLACE. In case you're wondering, I figured it out when you tried to whip around me THREE times in the space of less than a half mile WITH TRAFFIC APPROACHING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND WHILE APPROACHING AN INTERSECTION!!!!
I am left with several questions:
1) Why, if you were in such a hurry, did you slow down and follow me off the street, into the parking lot, and into a parking space as if you worked there? Wouldn't those precious seconds have been better spent trying to get back to warp speed?
2) Why, if you were itching for a fight, did you make two laps around the lot to make sure I was inside BEFORE deciding to play Billy Bob Badass?
3) Where exactly WERE you going at 6:45 in the am in pajamas and house shoes and carrying a Maglite? Let me guess:
- You were on something.
- You SHOULD have been on something and weren't.
- Your significant other stepped out on your insane ass and didn't fix your breakfast vittles.
In any event, you are a coward of the highest order - a true heir to the throne of the King Of Idiots. Beating up my car was lame, and stupid. We have your vehicle on video, dumbass. Not too many of THOSE registered and still running around here. We have your description, too, and judging from the hole in the front of your PJs, I know why wifey booked on you - they have pills for that now, you know.
Karma will be back to bite you squarely in your tiny, malformed nuts. Believe that. In the meantime, I leave you with this:
You suck. Raw sewage. Through a twisty straw.
Die In A Fire,
Me
Edit:
Police took a statement. Description of the vehicle (late 80s GMC Jimmy, two-tone, gray side panels, black up top) and driver (WM, 6 feet, curly hair, loungewear). Unfortunately, video coverage was both incomplete and inconclusive in that the tag was unreadable. My guess is that this nut will turn up somewhere sooner or later. If it is anywhere near this plant, he'll wish it had been the cops that caught him first.
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